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I am just going to jump right into this post. Yesterday on my IG story, I shared that a young gentleman that Mark knew had suddenly passed away. Nothing about his death was disclosed. A couple days passed, and the young mans mom had written a post which again never mentioned the cause of death, but at the bottom there was a direct link which led you to donate to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. Suicide. This young man lost his life to depression/mental health (which is at an all time high due to COVID) . Mark was baffled by this as he explained that he would frequently see this man being active, outgoing, and happy. This lead us into a heart to heart conversation about the importance of mental health and breaking the stigma.
I want you all to notice something that I noticed:
When someone battles cancer and tragically passes away, is there any question of how they passed? Typically its written in the obituary and/or some statement " He/She passed away Tuesday June 28th, 2016, following a five year battle with metastatic breast cancer." Similarly when it comes to a car accident. I have noticed that when it comes to someone dying my suicide, addiction, depression, it's never disclosed, as if it needs to be hidden......JUST like the suffering the individual went through till their death. I find this ironic and I also find this very disturbing. There seems to be this thought that If you can't see the sickness, it doesn't need be talked about. WE MUST BREAK THIS! WE MUST TALK ABOUT IT. WE MUST GET UNCOMFORTABLE.
I remember clear as day the thoughts of disbelief when my brother took his life. "Suicide? of all the ways to pass, his was suicide?!" I remember walking around the next couple of weeks in a state of "shame" feeling that my brother had completed the worse possible crime, as if his depression was a sin. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?! Shortly after, discussions of his suicide were brought up in more conversations and I learned how prevalent depression, mental health, addiction, and suicide was. I was so naive and I am going to be honestly with you, so are you. Mental health, depression, addiction, suicide is consuming people around you but you don't know because it's a hidden disease. Its hidden behind the smiles of the woman in the grocery store checking you out, its behind the laughs of your neighbor who you think is the sweetest man, It's hidden behind your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/etc who you think is the strongest person you know, its hidden behind the stigma that mental health isnt worthy of discussion because its not visible to the human eye.WE MUST CHANGE THAT.
Okay, so how do we change that? We talk about it. We talk and talk and talk till it's "normalized". Now, how do we talk about it? Well, we talk till we are uncomfortable. Mental health is a very uncomfortable/delicate topic, so the conversation should make to hesitate on words and statements. How do we start? You start by checking in with yourself and then check in with your friends and family.
How do you feel right now? How did you feel over all this week? You need to be honest with yourself too and it's okay to realize that you were sad this week or extra tired or you weren't hungry part of the week.
Checking in with friends and family - Like I stated in my IG story, mental health can be masked by smiles and laughter of even the strongest of family members and friends, so you need to check in with not only the ones who may seem down, but also the ones who seem to have everything figured out. To "check in" is simple. It's a simple text that says "hey, how was your week" or "hey, just checking in, how are you?" Another approach to the topic may sound like "Hey, I had a tough week, hoping yours went smoothly". This can lead to conversations you can both relate to and it may lead to some friends and family opening up to you. You need to prepared that the response may not always be rainbows and butterflies and be ready to support and listen. Half of the struggle with mental health is that sufferers often feel alone with no support so just knowing you can support them just made a world a difference. No one likes to admit to the weakness of feeling down, crying, feeling lost, and this is why these conversations can be uncomfortable, but after you do it multiple times it's gets easier and more "normal".
Lets break the stigma and normalize mental health, Let's talk about it. I included, need to be better about this.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255
If this is something you want to get more involved with, there are online courses you can take to get certified in suicide intervention.
***FULL DISCLOSURE : I AM NOT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL/THERAPIST/DOCTOR/NURSE**
Phrases:
Hi! Just checking in, its been a while since we have talked, how are you feeling?
Hey, I have felt down this week, can you relate?
Hi, I wanted to make sure you were feeling okay, you don't seem yourself. I miss you.
Hi, do you wanna come over and hang out? I could use some friend time.
I'm happy to see you in a better mood today, you have seemed down recently
Hey, any advice on feeling depressed? I'm having a hard week.