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If you own a dog, I am sure you have had a very similar conversation with your partner -
“ .. We can rescue one, they need a home”
“ They require a lot of care, we wont be able to be out all day on the weekends anymore”
“ It’s easier than a child… I really want a dog”
**Full disclosure, I am not in anyway discounting the effort it take to care for a child.**
Imagine, finally getting the puppy you were so ready to have, to learn a short time later, they would require more energy and more time and more patience than an infant. Having a dog with severe separation anxiety will literally test your limits as a dog parent and will most definitely act as a form of birth control if you were peviously consider having a child.
Meet Bryn, the love of our lives, who we rescued from the SPCA and was surrendered for "special need" which we didn't think about until a couple months later she was diagnosed with separation anxiety.
When I share this with people I typically get one of two reactions. I get the individual who thinks I'm being dramatic and the crazy dog mom who can't differentiate between a live human being and an animal – or I get the sympathetic acquaintance who can emphasize with me. I’m writing this post to spill the truth about what it's like to live with a dog with separation anxiety.
The night we brought Bryn home, we set up a crate with overflowing blankets, contacted a dog walker, got her 5 different types of leashes and over 15 toys. She immediately became our obsession. We initially thought that had previously been house trained, but after coming home to a chewed door and a couple accidents we decided to crate train. Bryn would put up a HUGE fight when it was time to be put in the crate - so much so, one day Bryn intentionally bite me... yes.. bite me. After calling mark in hysterics, we knew there was something more going on to provoke Bryn to act in such a way, but what? We continued to use the crate the best we could and our dog walker would spend extra time making sure Bryn was as comfortable as she could be, but this also ended quickly. We came home one night to bloody blankets and a bloody mouth. Crate days were over.
We monitored Bryn very closely the following week and we noticed very odd behaviors.
1) If Mark and I were in separate rooms, Bryn would not be able to settle down - she would just continue to pace between the two rooms checking on us.
2) If Mark would leave, Bryn would begin to cry, pace, bark, pant and this escalated to Bryn immediately urinating on the carpet even if Mark just simply stood by the door.
3) I witnessed Bryn throw her body against the window while I started to pull away from the house.
This is what we concluded : Bryn does not like to be left alone..
Mark and I both grew up with dogs, so we were clearly is new waters with this dog behavior. Luckily, Bryn was such a loveable dog, we where offered lots of options and support. Our dog walker, who had work with dogs and volunteered at the SCPA was ALWAYS a text away to offer suggestions, in which, we got Bryn enrolled in a doggy day care. The staff fell in love with Bryn and was eager to help us as well. When weekends with Bryn started and ended with Mark and I fighting on who got to leave the house to run errands and deal with Bryn's tantrums, we were told to follow up with a dog behaviorist. Note: before this we had tried more exercise, CBD treats, Clomicalm ( a drug prescribed by out RDVM which was also 80 dollars every two weeks to fill), anxiety blankets, you name it.
Following the instructions of the certified behaviorist, we were in very deep helping Bryn. We would work on behavior modification which where exercises that Mark and I would work on to desensitize Bryn on any cues she would associate with us leaving. For example, If we were watching TV and Bryn was settled in her bed, one of us would randomly go to the coat closet, grab a jacket ( which would get Bryn up and pacing immediately), put the coat on, and then sit back down on the coach. We would also do this with simply going and opening the front door at random times. Secondly, we attempted to converted the kitchen into "safe zone" and installed cameras, hoping she would learn when she was barricaded in the kitchen and we were to leave, we would always return and that we could also keep an eye on her from a distance. Well, that lasted about a week once we watched from the camera, her leaping over the barricades and crashing into console tables on the other side.
Lets have a reality check here.. If you think at this point in reading, this doesn't seem like a big deal, let me just tell you how many times Mark and I would have to decline dinner reservation with friends and even family because we didn't trust Bryn to be safe if we left. It wasn't the pee on the carpet, or the chewed up couch, or clawed up doors we were worried about. It was the fear that would be come back to a dog so anxious she would break a rib from throwing herself against the window trying to find us. Separation anxiety in dog is very common and can shorten the life of your beloved pet if left unmanaged. Mark and I spent close to 8 months in the heat of all this. That is almost a year without spontaneously running errands, or going on a date, or deciding to meet up with friends - we were literally trapped inside our home.
Presently, Mark and I finally have a system that work for us, and especially for Bryn. Bryn continues to go to day care throughout the week so she can continue to get healthy amounts of exercise. Bryn has also developed a very strong relationship with Marks mom and Gigi who are always willing to "babysit" Bryn and keep an eye on her when mark and I are desperate enough for a date night. Our last resort is medication. We currently give Bryn Prozac every day and when we need to leave her for one to two hours, we give her Trazadone which knocks her out enough to just sleep while we are gone. We are very thankful for these medication, since they have given Mark and I a small bit our of freedom back.
I also cannot stress enough how much we love Bryn. Mark and I would do that all again if we had to. Please do not ever give up on your pet for their behavior - sadly, we know owners surrender their dogs due to lack of support and options and caring. Like a child, we grow patience, accommodate lifestyle, and adapt to their needs. Pets deserve this too.
Love,
Mark, Meg, and Bryn